on labels and kids and schools

I need to write a long post about the many parents I know who come to me for advice about accepting an ADHD/related dx and the requisite IEP or 504 bureaucracy for their very average kids. It’s a well-meaning move from all parties to “do everything we can to help” by intervening. But the longitudinal data on labels is pretty damning and on medication is mixed at best. Again: good intentions from everyone. But parents need to be ruthlessly honest with themselves: Will intervening and saddling kids with labels really enhance the child’s school experience? Or will it salve a parent’s need to have a self-concept of Good Parent, one who Fights for the Child? Or will it solve a teacher’s (sometimes justified) need to have an optimized classroom? Those questions have very different protagonists. So much of parenting requires tolerating the inner uncertainty about how to attend closely to one’s individual children, including the attendance that is the most challenging and vital: watching, listening, and waiting.